The Importance of Saying No over the Festive Season
And why it’s okay.
Daniel O'Shaughnessy explores the transformative power of saying no—not in a 'Bah humbug' way, but as a means of prioritising connection over perfection and embracing 'slow down' rituals to foster a more balanced life this festive season.
1. Christmas Overwhelm. Over the festive season, schedules can become packed with parties, family gatherings, and numerous commitments, leading to feelings of overwhelm and feeling like we’re barely catching our breath. It’s tempting to say ‘yes’ to every invitation, but this can lead to burnout before the season even hits its stride. Try this instead: set some boundaries with your calendar, and don’t hesitate to decline plans that feel more stressful than joyful. Carve out time for self-care activities, like a quiet walk or reading a book. Focus on enjoying quality moments rather than quantity, ensuring you’re not overstretched, and helping us to stay grounded and let us genuinely enjoy the moments we choose to be part of.
2. Festive Loneliness. On the other side of the equation, the holiday season can amplify feelings of loneliness, especially for those far from loved ones. Acknowledge your feelings and consider reaching out to friends or family via phone or video calls to connect. Joining local community events or volunteering can also help build connections and provide a sense of belonging and purpose. If possible, create new traditions with people you care about or engage in group activities that interest you. Remember, you’re not alone, and community support can make a difference.
3. Family Issues. Family dynamics can become particularly strained during the holidays. Before diving in, consider setting a few boundaries for yourself. Be clear on what you’re comfortable with and communicate it openly if needed. Sometimes, lighter activities—like a game or a shared hobby—can help ease any tension and bring a bit of laughter to the day. It may also help to have a safe space during gatherings where you can step back and collect your thoughts if tensions rise. Remember, it's possible to enjoy the season while keeping your well-being at the forefront.
4. The Inability to Slow Down. The frantic pace of the season can leave you feeling frazzled and unable to enjoy the moment. Combat this feeling by incorporating mindfulness practices into your daily routine. Set aside brief moments each day to pause, breathe, and reflect on what you’re grateful for. Consider creating a “slow down” ritual, such as sipping tea by a fire or taking evening strolls through decorated neighbourhoods. Learning to appreciate simple pleasures can restore peace and joy to your holiday experience.
5. Overindulgence in Food and Drink. The abundance of festive treats can lead to feelings of guilt or a lack of control. Shift your mindset by practicing moderation rather than depriving yourself of things; it’s okay to enjoy Christmas foods. Incorporating healthier snacks and meals into your days can create balance. It’s also beneficial to focus on socialising rather than just the food, as connecting with others can be fulfilling in its own right. Also, it’s Christmas; it happens once a year, and sometimes it’s nice to just relax and eat what you like; don’t overthink it. Prioritise self-compassion and don’t judge yourself for indulging—remember it’s part of what makes Christmas lovely.
6. Anxieties about Spending Too Much Money. Let’s face it, we all tend to spend more at Christmas. Financial stress can cloud the holiday spirit, leading to anxiety about overspending. To avoid this, set a realistic budget for gifts, food, and activities well in advance. Consider discussing expectations with family members to establish guidelines for gift-giving that align with your budget. Focus on thoughtful gestures over expensive gifts, like handmade crafts or quality time spent together. Remember that the true spirit of Christmas doesn’t hinge on how much you spend, but rather on the love and joy shared with those around you.
7. Managing Expectations. During Christmas, we often feel pressured to create perfect experiences. Recognise that it’s okay if things don’t go as planned, and allow flexibility in your festive expectations. Set realistic goals for yourself and your gatherings, focusing on connection rather than perfection. Share your feelings with loved ones to lessen the burden of expectations, creating an environment of openness and understanding. Embracing imperfections can lead to genuine moments of joy—and laughter!
8. Coping with Christmas Grief. For many, the holidays can trigger feelings of grief for those who are missing. Honour your feelings and acknowledge the loss, allowing yourself to grieve while also celebrating the memories. Incorporate traditions that help you remember your loved ones, like lighting a candle or sharing stories, to help feel connected despite the loss. Surround yourself with supportive friends or family, and don’t hesitate to seek professional help if needed. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to have a mix of joy and sadness this season; both are part of what makes the memories of our loved ones feel real.
9. Avoiding Comparisons. Social media has a way of making us feel like everyone else is having a picture-perfect Christmas, and it can stir up feelings of inadequacy. Be mindful of how your consumption of social media affects your mood, and consider taking breaks from it. Focus instead on your unique experiences and what brings you happiness during this time. Remind yourself that social media often depicts a curated version of reality, not the whole picture. Embrace gratitude for your own journey, and celebrate the simple joys of your season without comparison.
10. Seeking Support. If the holidays are bringing up difficult emotions, remember that reaching out can make a real difference. Talk to friends, family, or even professionals who can provide encouragement and advice. You can explore local support groups or online communities that understand holiday-related challenges.Sometimes, just having an open conversation can ease the weight of loneliness and help you feel seen. Remember, you’re not alone; seeking support is a strength, not a weakness.
Daniel is an award-winning, certified Functional Medicine Nutritionist, Wellness Coach and author of Naked Nutrition, the first book of its kind focusing on the nutrition and wellness needs of the LGBTQ+ population. These are some of the most common issues faced by his private clients, with suggestions to help enjoy what can be one of the most joyful times of the year 🎄